Mindset & Personal Growth
You Are Making the Rules: Why Growth Starts When You Stop Waiting for Permission
The Moment You Realize No One Is Coming to Hand You the Roadmap
There is a point in almost everyone’s life when you realize that waiting for the perfect plan is still waiting.
You can dress it up however you want. You can call it being responsible. You can call it being realistic. You can call it waiting for the right timing, the right season, the right amount of money, the right amount of confidence, or the right sign from the universe. But at some point, if we are being honest, waiting becomes its own comfort zone.
That is what I kept thinking about during my conversation with Adam Gay on Making It Happen.
On the surface, Adam’s story is about music. He is a full-time drummer, a member of the band When the Sun Sets, a content creator, and a coach who helps other drummers figure out how to build their own path. But the more I listened to him talk, the more I realized this episode was not really just about music. It was about ownership. It was about what happens when someone stops hoping life will point them in the right direction and decides to start building the direction themselves.
Adam is young, but he does not speak like someone who is waiting for life to begin. He speaks like someone who understands that every day is either helping him become who he says he wants to be or quietly pulling him away from it. That may sound simple, but it is not how most people live. Most people are reacting. Most people are surviving the day in front of them. Most people are carrying dreams around in the back of their mind while giving most of their energy to things they do not even want long-term.
And I get it. Life is busy. Bills are real. Family responsibilities are real. Fear is real. Exhaustion is real. The pressure to make “safe” decisions is real. But what Adam’s story reminded me of is that sometimes the safest-looking path is the one that costs you the most because it slowly teaches you to stop trusting yourself.
There was one thing Adam said that really stayed with me:
“I feel like a lot of people don’t realize they’re the ones making the rules until it’s too late.”
That sentence could be the entire blog.
Because so many people are living by rules they never actually chose.
The Quiet Trap of Letting Life Choose for You
When people talk about chasing a dream, it can sound dramatic, like it has to involve quitting everything, making some massive announcement, burning the old life down, and starting over with a perfect vision board and a five-year plan. But most meaningful change does not start that way. Most meaningful change begins much more quietly.
It starts when you notice that something inside you keeps pulling your attention.
For Adam, that pull was music. He started playing drums in fourth grade, but what is interesting is that he almost quit. He admitted that school band did not really make him feel connected to music. It was not until he started playing with friends in a band that something clicked. He described that first practice in his bedroom, with no proper microphone setup, a rough drum kit, and his friends basically screaming through a little guitar amp, as a moment that felt like magic.
That part matters because I think so many people confuse the wrong environment with the wrong dream.
You may think you are not good at something because the first version of it felt boring, rigid, or disconnected from who you are. You may think you are not meant for leadership because your first leadership role had no support. You may think you are not creative because you were never given the right space to create. You may think you are not entrepreneurial because your first idea did not work. You may think you are not cut out for a career change because the first attempt felt awkward.
But sometimes the thing is not wrong. The format is wrong.
Adam did not fall in love with drums because he was checking a box in school. He fell in love with music when he experienced it as expression, energy, connection, and possibility. That is a very different thing. It is also a reminder that we have to be careful before we throw away parts of ourselves just because they did not come alive in the first place we tried them.
I have seen this in careers over and over again. People say, “I hate sales,” when what they really hate is being pushed to sell something they do not believe in. People say, “I am not a leader,” when what they really mean is they were never developed properly. People say, “I am not good at networking,” when what they really mean is they hate fake, transactional conversations. People say, “I do not know what I want,” when the truth is they know more than they are willing to admit, but they are afraid of what it would require.
That is the quiet trap. Life will choose for you if you keep avoiding the responsibility of choosing for yourself.
Why Saying Yes Can Be the Beginning of Self-Trust
One of the things I appreciated most about Adam’s story is that he did not wait until everything looked perfect to move.
Before joining When the Sun Sets, he had been part of another band, Cleveland Avenue. He knew people in the local scene. He had played shows. He had built relationships. Then one day, When the Sun Sets needed a drummer to fill in because their drummer could not make a show. Adam was already playing that same show with his own band, and they asked if he would do double duty.
He said yes.
That one yes mattered.
Not because it instantly turned into some polished success story, but because opportunities often come disguised as inconvenient, uncertain, slightly chaotic moments. A lot of people miss them because they are waiting for opportunities to arrive with a guarantee attached. They want to know if the yes will be worth it before they say yes. They want proof before they move. They want the outcome before the experience.
But that is not how life usually works.
Adam said that at that stage of his career, he was saying yes to everything because he wanted to see what worked and what did not. I actually think that is one of the most important lessons in the whole episode. There is a season in life when you do not need perfect clarity. You need exposure. You need repetition. You need to get in the room. You need to try enough things that your life starts giving you feedback.
There is a kind of confidence that cannot be built through thinking. You cannot journal your way into all of it. You cannot plan your way into all of it. You cannot read enough books to bypass the part where you actually have to do the thing.
Confidence comes from evidence.
You do something hard, and you survive it. You say yes, and you learn from it. You take the call, play the show, apply for the role, launch the offer, have the conversation, make the post, pitch the client, and then your brain has new proof. It may not be perfect proof. It may be messy proof. But it is proof.
That is how self-trust is built.
The Question That Changes Everything: Where Do You Actually Want to Be?
There was another part of Adam’s story that stood out because it was so practical. When he was 23, his dad started asking him what he was going to do for a career. It was the kind of question a lot of parents ask because they are worried, and it was the kind of question that can easily make someone feel dismissed if their dream does not look traditional.
Adam could have taken that conversation as a reason to shrink. Instead, he used it as fuel.
He asked himself where he wanted to be at 25.
That question is simple, but it is powerful because it forces you to stop living in vague hope. It is one thing to say, “I want to make money with music.” It is another thing to say, “By 25, I want to make $2,000 a month consistently from music.” One is a wish. The other is a target.
Once Adam had the target, he could start building around it. He thought about teaching, playing gigs, recording sessions, creating content, and building multiple income streams connected to music. He did not need one perfect path. He needed a combination of paths that added up to the life he wanted.
That is where a lot of people get stuck. They keep waiting for the one big answer, when sometimes the life you want is built through several smaller doors.
You may not replace your income overnight with one business idea. But you may build one offer, one client, one referral, one partnership, one product, and one audience at a time.
You may not land your dream job from one application. But you may rebuild your résumé, refresh your LinkedIn, reconnect with five people, practice your interview answers, and start showing up differently in the market.
You may not transform your health with one decision. But you may change breakfast, take a walk, schedule the appointment, drink more water, and stop pretending burnout is a badge of honor.
Adam’s goal gave him something to organize his behavior around. That is the part people miss. Goals are not just motivational. Good goals are clarifying. They help you decide what deserves your energy and what does not.
Manifestation Means Nothing Without Movement
Adam used the word manifestation in our conversation, and I know that word can mean a lot of different things to different people. Some people hear it and think of vision boards, affirmations, or positive thinking. Others roll their eyes because they have seen it used as an excuse to avoid real work.
But what I liked about Adam’s version of manifestation is that it was not passive. It was not sitting around wishing for a different life. It was deciding who he wanted to become and then taking daily action in support of that decision.
When Adam turned 20, he had a moment of reflection. He realized that if he looked back from age 20 to age 10, a lot had happened. Then he realized that one day he would be 30, looking back on the decade from 20 to 30. The difference, as he saw it, was that in his twenties, he had more control. He could start making choices. He could start shaping the direction of his life instead of just reacting to whatever happened around him.
That is such a mature realization, and honestly, it is one many people do not have until much later.
He eventually adopted a mindset of getting 1% better every day. Not in a cheesy way. Not in a way that required every day to be some massive productivity performance. He explained that even if the action was as simple as messaging someone, posting a piece of content, or cleaning his room on a bad day, he wanted to do something that would set him up for a better tomorrow.
“If I can do one thing that just pushes my needle forward… just something that is going to set me up for a better tomorrow is how I live every single day.”
That is the version of manifestation I can get behind.
Because wanting something is easy when it stays in your imagination. The real test is whether you are willing to build habits that support it when no one is clapping, when the results are slow, when the money is not there yet, when you are tired, when you are discouraged, and when the people around you still do not fully understand what you are doing.
That is where dreams either become real or stay theoretical.
The 1% Better Mindset Is Not Small. It Is Strategic.
I think people underestimate small daily actions because they are not exciting enough to post about.
Nobody wants to announce, “Today I sent one message.” Nobody thinks cleaning your room or organizing your notes sounds like a breakthrough. Nobody sees the quiet repetition behind the visible result. But the quiet repetition is usually the whole story.
When Adam talks about getting 1% better every day, what I hear is not just motivation. I hear identity-building.
Every small action becomes a vote for who you are becoming. When you post the content even though it feels imperfect, you are becoming someone who shows up. When you practice even though no one sees it, you are becoming someone who honors the craft. When you send the message even though it may not lead anywhere, you are becoming someone who creates opportunity instead of waiting for it. When you take care of your health, your space, your relationships, and your mindset, you are becoming someone who can sustain the future you keep asking for.
That is why the 1% better idea works. It removes the drama.
A lot of people stay stuck because they think change has to be huge to matter. They think if they cannot overhaul their whole life, they might as well do nothing. But growth rarely asks for everything at once. More often, it asks for consistency before intensity.
That is not glamorous, but it is effective.
And for anyone building something, whether it is a career, a business, a marriage, a family, a creative project, or a healthier version of themselves, consistency is usually the difference between a wish and a result.
Focus Is What Protects the Dream From Becoming a Distraction
Near the end of the conversation, I asked Adam what failure had taught him. His answer was not about one huge failure. It was about a pattern he had seen through different bands and projects. He had watched things with real potential fall apart because people got distracted, spread their energy too thin, or stopped focusing on what mattered.
That is a lesson for all of us.
Potential is not enough. Talent is not enough. A good idea is not enough. Passion is not enough.
Without focus, even good things lose momentum.
Adam explained that when something really matters to him, whether it is his coaching program, his relationships, or the band, he has learned not to take his focus off of it. He knows that the moment he stops giving it the attention it needs, it can start to fall apart.
“If you care about something, don’t give up.”
That sounds simple, but it is actually one of the hardest things to live.
Because distraction is everywhere.
There is always another strategy, another course, another platform, another tool, another person telling you they have the secret answer. If you are an entrepreneur, you know exactly what this feels like. The internet is constantly trying to convince you that the next shiny thing will solve the hard part for you.
Adam even talked about shiny object syndrome as one of the hardest parts of entrepreneurship. I appreciated that honesty because it is real. When you are building by yourself, it is easy to wonder if the missing piece is one more software, one more funnel, one more coach, one more tactic, one more pivot.
Sometimes that is true. Sometimes you do need better tools, better support, or better strategy. But sometimes the real issue is that you have not stayed with the current path long enough to let it work.
That is uncomfortable because focus requires discipline. It requires saying no to things that may be good but are not aligned. It requires staying committed when the excitement wears off. It requires choosing the long-term vision over the short-term dopamine hit of starting something new.
And that is where a lot of dreams either mature or disappear.
Believing in Yourself Is Not Fluffy. It Is Foundational.
There was another line in the conversation that I think people need to sit with. Adam talked about working with drummers and noticing that many people have goals, but they do not know where to start. Underneath that, he sees something even deeper. A lot of people do not believe in themselves.
That may sound obvious, but it is not small.
When you do not believe in yourself, you hesitate before every step. You overthink every opportunity. You assume rejection before it happens. You talk yourself out of rooms you were never even denied access to. You shrink your ask. You water down your message. You call yourself realistic when what you actually are is afraid.
And the hardest part is that when you do not believe in yourself, you often look for external evidence to confirm the doubt.
One person does not respond, and you decide the idea is bad. One interview does not go well, and you decide you are not qualified. One post gets low engagement, and you decide no one cares. One client says no, and you decide the offer is not worth selling. One hard season happens, and you decide the dream was foolish.
That is why belief matters.
Not because belief guarantees success, but because without it, you will quit too early to find out what is possible.
Adam is not saying people should blindly believe everything will work out while doing nothing. His story proves the opposite. He believes in himself, but he also works. He creates. He studies. He learns. He invests. He practices. He teaches. He posts. He builds.
That is the combination.
Belief gives you the courage to start. Structure gives you the ability to continue.
The Dream Becomes Bigger When It Starts Serving Other People
What I found most interesting about Adam’s story is that it does not stop with him wanting to be a drummer. That may have been the beginning, but it is not the whole picture.
He now wants to help other drummers build their own roadmap. He wants to teach them how to get gigs, prepare professionally, promote themselves, and take the first step. He wants to build courses and coaching programs. He wants to use content to educate, inspire, and entertain. He wants the band’s message around mental health to reach people who need to know they are not alone.
That is the natural evolution of a meaningful dream.
At first, the dream is personal. You want to prove something to yourself. You want to make money doing what you love. You want to escape a path that does not feel like yours. You want to become who you know you can become.
But if the dream is rooted in something real, it usually expands. It becomes about helping someone else do the thing you had to figure out the hard way.
That is what makes Adam’s story strong evidence for this bigger idea. He is not just chasing attention. He is building something from experience. He has learned enough from the messy middle that he can now help other people navigate it with more clarity.
And that is important because the best kind of success is not just achievement. It is contribution.
Making It Happen Is Not About Having It All Figured Out
The phrase “make it happen” can sound like you are supposed to be strong all the time, but that is not what I believe it means.
Making it happen does not mean you never doubt yourself. It does not mean you never get overwhelmed. It does not mean you always know what you are doing. It does not mean every step is confident, clean, or impressive.
It means you keep choosing ownership.
Adam talked openly about stress, overwhelm, anxiety, and learning how to manage his state. I actually think that is one of the most realistic parts of the episode. Too many people think successful people eventually stop feeling fear or uncertainty. They do not. They just learn not to let those feelings run the whole show.
That is a lesson worth taking seriously.
Because life is not going to wait until you feel ready. Your dream is not going to build itself while you wait for fear to disappear. Your next chapter is not going to arrive with a perfect emotional state attached to it.
You have to learn how to move while being human.
You can be nervous and still show up. You can be unsure and still make the call. You can be tired and still take one small step. You can be scared and still tell the truth about what you want. You can have a bad day without turning it into a bad life.
That is what Adam’s story shows. Not perfection. Not overnight success. Not some fantasy version of entrepreneurship or creativity. It shows a person choosing, adjusting, learning, and continuing.
You Do Not Need Permission to Begin
When I look back on this conversation, the message that stays with me is not just that Adam is talented or driven, although he clearly is. The message is that he decided to participate in his own life.
He stopped waiting for someone else to define what was realistic. He stopped treating his dream like a vague hope and started giving it numbers, habits, structure, and focus. He said yes when opportunities came. He learned from what failed. He stayed close to what mattered. He built proof one step at a time.
That is the part every listener can take with them, no matter what their dream looks like.
You may not want to tour with a band. You may not want to coach drummers. You may not want to create content or build courses. But there is probably something in your life that keeps asking for your attention. There is probably a version of you that you think about when things get quiet. There is probably a goal you keep postponing because you are waiting for certainty, confidence, approval, or perfect timing.
But at some point, you have to ask yourself a hard question.
Are you waiting because it is wise, or are you waiting because it is safer than being seen trying?
Adam’s story is proof that you do not need the entire roadmap to start. You need enough honesty to admit what you want, enough courage to take the next step, and enough discipline to keep showing up when the excitement wears off.
You are making the rules, whether you realize it or not.
The only question is whether you are making them on purpose.